Written by: Kevin Cann
I started to write this as a post, but I have more to say than that space will allow. As a young boy, like most young boys, I loved The Jungle Book. Akela, the wolf was my favorite character, not sure why, but he was. He was the leader of the wolves. Shere khan killed him in a fight while he was protecting Mowgli, who was a young boy at the time.
After writing that I can see why he was my favorite. As a young child that suffered through decades of abuse, I too wanted someone to protect me like Akela protected Mowgli. I have a feeling that this scene played a pivotal role in shaping my personality as I aged. Every arrest of mine, I was protecting my family.
Perhaps I went a bit overboard in my reactions, but all I knew was violence. That is how issues were solved in my household. I was burned as an infant, attacked by a grown man at 3 years old, I have been hit with baseballs, stabbed with a fork, thrown through a wall, had my testicles squeezed, a broom handle shoved in my ass, had a kitchen knife put to my face, been ripped out of bed at 2am to attacks, and had a baseball bat calked bat in a threat to hit me with it. The examples go on and on as they lasted 20 years. No one ever came to protect me, so I adapted and learned how to protect myself over time.
The world turned a blind eye to the abuse that I suffered. This included DYS, teachers, school officials, court officials, court appointed therapists, and even family. Then the world had a problem with my actions and continued to turn away from me.
The wolf is also misunderstood, often depicted as evil in many stories. There are anti-wolf groups throughout the United States that want them eradicated. Native Americans used to study the wolves and mimic them on hunts and in battle because no one understands cooperation and teamwork like the wolves. They are highly intelligent and highly intuitive.
In 1994 wolves were reintroduced to Yellowstone. This led to vegetation coming back due to controlling the elk population, which led to beavers coming back. Wolf kills fed grizzly bears before hibernation allowing their numbers to increase as well as the raptor birds such as bald eagles to come off the endangered species list. The ecosystem flourished when wolves were reintroduced.
Wolves typically only kill the sick animals in the herd. They can smell distress and test the herd out and look for the slower ones. This increases their success on hunts, but also allows for a stronger population of elk and other prey animals. They aren’t just ruthless killers.
I read a story about one wolf that had all four canines broken from a lifetime of hunting and fighting rival packs. He decided to take off on a solo hunt, knowing he could not administer a killing bite to a prey animal. Elk are four times the size of wolves and are not defenseless. This wolf took a kick to the head and drowned. He decided to go off and die a wolf that day. This story really hit home.
I can relate to the wolf in many ways. Many people have negative viewpoints of me due to my actions. The wolf will fight to the death to protect his land and his family, and protecting my family and friends got me into some trouble. I have stood up for people that couldn’t or wouldn’t stand up for themselves, and I have lived the best that I can by my values.
In a world that screams inclusivity, I have been continually excluded. I have had teaching jobs taken away, peer support jobs, and even volunteer jobs. I have been slandered by USAPL/PA lifters and members of a local gym for years. I am not looking for inclusivity. In fact, I think the whole thing is bullshit. I am instead looking to surround myself with like-minded people. Wolves and elk don’t hang out with each other for a reason, but both contribute to a balanced ecosystem.
There are a whole lot of people like me out there. Those of us that suffered unspeakable things in childhood and continue to show up every single day and battle the demons that have been with us through all of it. We are often rejected by society as assholes and being “rough around the edges.” The rough on our edges is a callous that allows us to overcome adversity. It allowed me to get multiple degrees, start a business, and continue to survive. Getting out of this hole is difficult because we often have very little help and support.
We earned the right to do hard things because everything for us has been hard. We don’t need to conform to a society, we are needed in it for a balanced ecosystem. You don’t just read a motivational quote and go out and accomplish all of your dreams. We know how to battle adversity and how to keep showing up.
I don’t lift because I think powerlifting is cool as a sport. In fact, I think it is the stupidest sport on the planet. I lift because it allows me to feed that monster inside of me. It lets me keep being a wolf. I don’t need competitions to do this. I am drug free and don’t give a fuck if anyone I compete against does drugs. I don’t need to be happy about the growth of the sport and the lack of actual powerlifters in it. I don’t have to “give back” or be accepting of everyone in the sport.
Everyone wants to be a star and they feel important enough to share information about the best programs and techniques, even though 99.9% of them have no right doing so. We have lost sight of why many of us do this. Many lift to help keep themselves sober, many for health reasons, many to hang out with friends, and for me it is to release the pressure of my anger that builds over time.
I don’t know how, but I would like to create a community where people are free to say whatever they want and what they feel, and to be their genuine selves. We don’t all have to do this together. There is a place for every person in powerlifting, and they should be able to find their place without being ostracized online, or made to feel that it isn’t the best choice for them.